“Why won’t they just do their jobs?”
I think we’ve all had a frustrated moment like this at some point!
When my client Rob* asked me this question, he was reaching the end of his patience.
Rob was a highly analytical, black-and-white thinker. When given a job, he simply did it, earning him recognition as a high-performer.
So when he transitioned into a leadership position, he couldn’t understand why his team didn’t operate in the same way.
“I’ve given them all the instructions and they know the deadline pressure we’re under,” he told me, “But it’s a constant struggle to keep these people on task!”
The good news is that Rob showed up to coaching ready to change. He didn’t know what needed to change, but he was ready to roll up his sleeves and figure it out.
Can you guess what the problem was?
The Pressure to Provide Results
Most leaders reach a leadership position because they are high-performers. If you’re reading this email, you probably are too!
But when you step into a leadership position, it’s not just you anymore.
Suddenly you’re responsible for a whole team.
“My results” become “our results.”
That’s a lot of pressure on your plate!
Chances are, you’ll run into the same problems Rob did.
➡️ Your team doesn’t work the same way you do.
➡️ Your team isn’t as invested as you are.
➡️ Your team might not even trust or respect you yet!
I’ve worked with many clients in this position, and almost all of them had the same underlying problem. They were so pressured to drive results that they didn’t stop to build relationships.
Leading Through Authority vs Leading Through Connection
Shortly after we began coaching, Rob realized that he had barely taken any time to build individual relationships with his team. Instead, he was viewing his team as a means to an end—just a way to achieve the results he was responsible for.
This mindset is SO common in high-performers who move into a leadership position!
In order to produce results, it’s natural to become laser-focused on execution.
But your team isn’t your tech stack. If you push execution without building connections, your team will start to break down.
Once Rob recognized this, he began to focus less on results and more on relationships. He asked his team more questions and sought to understand their goals and challenges. He extended more trust, and—perhaps most importantly—he started becoming more open and vulnerable with his team.
Over time, these changes made all the difference.
➡️ His team felt heard and valued.
➡️ He earned trust and respect from those around him.
➡️ People openly shared ideas, concerns, and challenges.
➡️ Team members became more proactive and productive.
➡️ Measurable results skyrocketed!
It sounds counterintuitive, but when Rob put relationships first, he was able to bring out the best in his team and achieve stronger business outcomes.
Putting It Into Practice
Your situation may be very different from Rob’s, but no matter what kind of challenges you are facing, these 6 practices will help you strengthen your relationships with your team:
- Ask more, tell less. Give your team members a safe space to share their own ideas and input. Instead of always providing answers, ask open-ended questions like “What do you think?” or “How would you approach this?”
- Show vulnerability. Raw honesty goes a long way towards building trust. Admit when you don’t know something or when you’ve made a mistake. Being authentic is far more important than being perfect!
- Follow through. If you say you’ll do something, do it. Trust is built in the small moments of consistency.
- Make time for real conversations. Dedicate a portion of one-on-ones to getting to know your team members beyond their tasks. Take time to learn about their hobbies, their families, their goals…things that are important to them outside of work.
- Recognize effort. A simple “I see the effort you put into that project—thank you” can go a long way towards building a connection.
- Be fully present. When talking to your team, put distractions away so your team members feel fully seen and heard. Eye contact, active listening, and genuine interest show people that they matter.
It takes a lot of time and effort to transition from leading through authority to leading through connection. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself a lot of grace through the process!
*For privacy purposes, client names have been changed. Rob is not the real name of this client.