Earlier this year, the hottest debate on LinkedIn was centered around something extremely trivial: the em dash.
If you post on LinkedIn, you probably saw some of the heated comments between the “em dashes are indicators of AI” and “I used em dashes long before AI” crowds.
We might dismiss this argument as silly internet drama, but I think there’s a much bigger lesson to learn here.
Humans are brilliant, empathetic, and inventive. But we also argue over the most trivial of topics, like the ‘right way’ to load a dishwasher, how to pronounce GIF…and apparently the em dash.
➡️ Conflict is inevitable.
Even more so when you work with the same people every day! Put a group of people on a team, and disagreements are bound to happen..
But disagreements aren’t something to avoid. They’re something to be thankful for.
No Conflict = Stagnation
In my Thriving Leaders Circle, one of the mindsets we discuss is how conflict isn’t the enemy. It’s not something to avoid, bury, or ignore.
(Interested in joining the next cohort? We start in April!)
At its core, conflict is simply disagreement. A difference in ideas, opinions, or perspectives.
Sometimes these disagreements get uncomfortable. But we desperately need these differences to challenge us, broaden our perspectives, and push us outside our comfort zones.
I mean, could you imagine if your whole team saw everything from the same perspective? Everyone would bring the same idea to the meeting. There would be no pushback. Collaboration would become meaningless. And important issues would go unaddressed.
➡️ We actually need healthy conflict to do our best work.
Without it, there is little motivation for creativity and growth.
A Healthy Approach to Conflict: Curiosity Over Certainty
If conflict is a necessary part of life, why do we spend so much effort trying to avoid it?
For many of the leaders I’ve coached, it’s because they don’t know how to foster healthy conflict without it becoming too heated. And so often, this is exactly what happens. Conflict quickly goes downhill when people dig in their heels and say “I’m right and nobody can change my mind.”
When we are certain, we stop listening to the people around us. We become resistant to understanding the other side of the argument. We become focused on winning, instead of learning.
This is the type of conflict you don’t want to see—because nothing kills relationships like declaring how ‘right’ you are.
To foster healthy conflict, what we need is not an attitude of certainty, but one of curiosity.
When you approach a conflict with curiosity, you come willing to learn and understand the opposite perspective.
It means being…
- Ready to listen
- Willing to change your mind
- Not attached to being ‘right’
- Focused on understanding
Now, taking this approach doesn’t mean that every conflict will reach a quick, peaceful resolution. Eventually you have to choose a way forward, and there will still be some friction!
But when you stay curious, conflicts no longer become scary and stressful. They become learning moments for the team, fueling creativity and innovation instead of burning down relationships.
Putting It Into Practice
Approaching conflict with curiosity requires a complete shift away from our natural winning/losing mindset. As the leader, the best way you can instill this mindset shift in your team is to lead by example. But there are also a few questions you can start asking your team to help them recognize the value of a curious approach.
You can start by asking questions that increase self-awareness, such as…
- Do you remember [such-and-such time] when we got ourselves in trouble by being too certain?
- If you could replay that situation now, what would you do or say differently that might have changed the outcome?
- When has curiosity helped you solve a challenge or improve a relationship? How did curiosity help in that situation?
We will spend a whole month learning more about this topic and how to apply it practically in Thriving Leaders Circle. Click here to learn more about the next cohort, which kicks off in April.
Remember, conflict isn’t your enemy. Most times, avoiding an issue will only cause bigger problems down the road. It’s much better to meet conflict head on, but approach it with curiosity to maintain an open mind and willingness to learn.