The #1 Mindset Shift for Receiving Feedback

I’ve just returned from my fourth trip this year to work with a client team on the topic of feedback. We looked at feedback from many angles, but there was one key concept woven through each session…

Feedback is a gift. 

Not a threat.

Not a punishment.

Not a mark of failure.

And when you receive it?

It’s your job to unwrap that gift, so you can squeeze all the value out of it that you can. 

But how do we actually do that?

Responding Without Feeling Threatened: Taking Feedback Positively

Before we can start to look at feedback positively, let’s ask ourselves, “Why do so often resist feedback? 

Most commonly, our brains perceive corrective feedback as criticism and a threat. It’s simply how we humans are wired.

In theory, we know feedback isn’t a bad thing.

But in the moment, we might be inclined to take it as a personal attack or accusation of incompetence. Subconsciously we feel threatened, and it activates our fight, flight, or freeze response. 

Once that happens, we don’t really hear what’s said next. Our brains start building a defense (fight), plotting our exit (flight), or simply glitching like a deer in the headlights (freeze).

We feel like we have to explain ourselves at every remark…

“Well, at the time…”
“Oh I did this because…”
“So and so thought this would be a good idea…”

See what I mean?

Once we get to that point, we’ve already discarded the feedback we’ve been given.

So before we can even start to see feedback as a positive thing, we have to learn not to defend against it. 

Hearing feedback may be uncomfortable, but it’s not something we need to protect ourselves from.

One Step Further: Recognizing the Gift

Not defending against the feedback is the first step. 

Next is understanding how much we benefit from feedback. When we can see the feedback as a gift, then we can truly grow from it. 

If you have trouble convincing your stubborn, logical brain that feedback is a gift, consider these points:

➡️ We all have blind spots where we can’t clearly see our own behavior or its impact on others. We NEED people who care enough about us to offer that tough feedback so we can continue to grow.

➡️ Giving tough feedback is not easy. It takes courage for someone to take the time and find the words to say something they know you don’t want to hear. That courage deserves your respect.

➡️ Every time you react poorly to tough feedback you hurt your future self, because the other person will likely be less and less honest with you to avoid a repeat of the situation.

➡️ If you don’t treat feedback like a gift when it’s directed at you, how can you expect your team to appreciate feedback when it’s offered to them? This is a case where the leader goes first—accept feedback the way you would want your team to accept feedback from you.

My clients are often surprised to learn that practicing the art of receiving feedback well is an important step for being able to give feedback more effectively. It goes both ways.

Putting It Into Practice

So we know…

• Feedback isn’t something to resist
• Feedback is necessary for growth

Now how do we get the most out of the gift when it’s offered to us?

1. Practice the thought that feedback is a gift. Notice small moments of feedback and reframe them in your mind as gifts. 

2. Pay attention to the effort and care that others put into giving feedback, even if they don’t do it exactly the way you would want them to. 

3. Stay present to the feedback experience. When you hear tough feedback, take a mindful breath and notice what’s happening in your body without judging it. Did your heart start racing? Are your hands tingling? Do you feel pressure in your chest or your head? Noticing your physical experience in the moment can help you stay present. It’s also a good indicator of whether you are perceiving the feedback as a ‘threat’ or a ‘gift.’ 

4. Notice your automatic thoughts. Do you immediately start crafting your defense? Does your mind race to think of all the times they did something similar, so you can say, “Well what about…?” Chances are, you’ll be able to recognize if you are having a fight, flight, or freeze reaction.

5. Start with thanks. The first words you say after hearing tough feedback will shape the rest of the interaction, for better or worse. “Thanks for giving me this feedback” is always a good start and it’s appropriate whether you agree with the feedback or not. 

6. Ask clarifying questions. Most feedback is too vague to be useful. The giver knows what they meant to say, but that intention can get lost in translation. Without getting defensive, ask for more details about what you did or didn’t do and what the impact was. I like the simple statement, “please tell me more,” which shows you’re listening and invites them to give you more detail. 

7. Ask for feedback regularly. Let your team know you’re working on both giving and receiving feedback more effectively and that you want to hear theirs. Normalize it so that feedback gets woven into the culture and becomes “how we do things around here.” 

Giving feedback is usually a thankless job. Be the person who sees feedback as a gift and listens with an open mind, and both you and your team will grow from it.

P.S. Feedback is one of my favorite workshop topics, and it’s a cornerstone in Thriving Leaders Circle (next cohort starts in February 2026). So I’m always here to support your team or a particular leader on this topic of feedback. Reach out, and let’s talk about it.