Mango Tragedy Part 2

What Happened Next?

Last week, I shared the story of my mango tree cracking and dropping about 300 mangos prematurely. It’s worth noting I’m known among my neighbors as “The Fruit Lady” because I grow both mangos and pineapples in my backyard…but I’d never had this much fruit to handle all at once!

While I was initially frustrated to see a big chunk of my beloved mango harvest lying on the ground unripe, it was an opportunity for me to practice my resilient mindset by asking “What might be the gift?” 

➡️ Pivoting to a mindset of gratitude in a bad situation is one of the best ways to practice resilience. If you missed last week’s post, you can read that story here.

But no amount of gratitude could change the fact that I still had two laundry baskets loaded with fruit that might not ripen! 

More Than Mangos: Making the Best of a Bad Situation

Whenever you’re in a situation where you don’t know what to do, consider this option: ask someone else for help.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re dealing with 300 mangos, a failed project, or team communication challenges. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.

For this particular problem, I decided to reach out to my young Indian friend, Shilpi. Having worked for the National Mango Board, I knew well that mangoes are used in Indian dishes in many ways and forms, including in their green (unripe) state. 

Shilpi said she would reach out to her network of Indian friends. She explained that they had a group text, but it didn’t tend to be very active. She didn’t have much hope for a solution to my mango “problem” and was careful not to create high expectations. 

But about 15 minutes later, Shilpi texted to let me know that a friend would take a couple dozen mangoes for pickling. Then another friend responded, then another, and another. Within a few hours, this magical network of Indian women was buzzing with excitement about what they would do with all these mangos! 

I started to realize my mango tragedy was turning into a bigger gift than I could have imagined. But it never would have happened if I hadn’t reached out to a friend.

When faced with challenges, we can either try to take on the burden by ourselves, or we can reach out to those around us. Often, we default to isolation. But those are the moments when we need other people the most!

Meanwhile, Shilpi had reached out to her mom who lives back in India and  was super excited to share her ideas about what to do with these mangos that might not ripen. She began sharing recipes and building Shilpi’s enthusiasm for making these traditional dishes. 

I could not have known at the time that this misfortune would reactivate a local network of Indian women. I would never have dreamed that it would create a bonding opportunity for my friend, Shilpi, and her mom on the other side of the planet. 

The Real Gift: There Where You Least Expect It

Having 300 mangos might seem like a trivial problem compared to what you’re facing right now. You might be dealing with far greater challenges in the workplace or at home. It might feel impossible to find a ‘gift’ in your situation, and that’s okay.

The question that was originally taught to me by Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, was “What is the gift?” As I practiced using that question in my own life, and as I taught it to my clients, I often noticed the resistance that it brought up. 

Sometimes I could think my hardest, but still couldn’t come up with a ‘gift’ in a bad situation.

I found that asking, “What is the gift?” can create feelings of failure if we are unable to answer the question on the spot.

What I found was that by changing one word…by changing “is” to “might be,” my brain stopped fighting back. I could hold the question lightly. I could turn my creative energy to thinking up potential scenarios where a bad situation turns out to be a gift. 

And I found that, in most cases, the real gift is never what you first expect it to be. It’s not the answer you engineer on the spot. Instead, it’s the connection you make when you reach out for help. Or the breakthrough you achieve only because you went through failure first. Or the new perspective you gain by overcoming a difficult challenge.

The gift doesn’t always come when we want it to. Sometimes the good may come days, weeks, or even months after the challenge. But if we keep looking for it, we’ll find it.

Putting It Into Practice

Asking yourself “What might be the gift?” is a reliable way to build your resilient mindset, but it takes practice. When you’re in the middle of a big challenge, it’s hard to remember to ask the question. 

I invite you to think back and consider some “bad” situations that turned out to be a gift. In the thick of the hard circumstances, was it obvious that there would be gifts? Or did you see the gifts only after some time had passed?

Or, consider the hard situation you’re dealing with right now. Can you see the potential gifts? Put your creative energy to work and see if you can dream up some potential outcomes that might be good. 

For best results, start practicing now with small irritations. Maybe you got stuck at every red light on your way to work…but you heard your favorite song on the radio because you had some extra time in the car. 

We can’t always control our circumstances. But we can CHOOSE which part of those circumstances to focus on.

Flex your resilient mindset muscles day-to-day, and you’ll have the strength to use them when you really need them in a truly awful situation.